In keeping with my promise to be real and honest, the first draft I published was not complete and contained many errors. In my haste, I did not double-check, which is ironic as I am usually a bit paralyzed by the need to check everything multiple times quite obsessively. So it is with complete acceptance of what is that I resubmit my writing to you.
I realized that no one else is going to care more about my growth than I do. I let myself become stagnant and directionless. Like a sail without wind, floating a bit aimlessly and dependent upon the next gust of wind. I had been becalmed (a word I recently learned on a sailing lesson I took). It can be marked by extreme stillness and lack of progress. I bit of a dichotomy as we place huge emphasis on progress and success in our world. This word, becalmed, a bit negative in its meaning, actually brought me great peace. It is most often in the stillness that we find great peace, an opportunity to regain our thoughts. It is often when the quietness brings forth the answers I had been madly searching for and unable to find. This gentle pause brings a clearing of sorts before the next thing happens.
On this recovery journey, recommitting to myself, others, and the joys of life is a priority. I read that commitment is a one-time action; however, recommitment involves a conscious effort every day to do what you are committed to doing. It is that simple, and a choice we make every new day. This gentle reminder that I am choosing how to live my life and be in it every day has given me clarity on what truly matters to me. What does this look like for me? It is a choice I will make every day to focus on: My marriage, family, friends, body, spirituality, traditions, food, and joy. It will be an intentional focus to prioritize the areas in my life that I crave change. A desire to live in the beauty that surrounds us and to live unapologetically and fully.
This journey will be one of continued recovery, uncertainty, and the raw and real truth. It will be honest and vulnerable, and I am scared to share (this is emphasized by the 287 pieces I have written yet failed to share). If you are hesitating in your life right now, feel uncertain or stuck, I hope this finds you. It is never too late to start again and commit to the things that bring you joy in this life. Today, may you be calm and realize that you can do this and can choose what is best for the remarkable human you are!